Parenthood Discussions

You will undoubtedly have many conversations before your little one arrives. Dreaming about what they will look like, what interests they will have, who’s side of the family they will get the most traits from.  You will also probably create a registry together and discuss what type of stroller, carseat, crib, etc you will purchase. However, less people talk about the following topics, which are just as important (if not more important) that some of the topics above. 

Why is it important to discuss these topics?

Going into parenthood we all have certain expectations. We don’t always talk about them though, which usually leads to disappointment and frustration. Even though things will undoubtedly need to be adjusted once your baby arrives, discussing a plan for the future helps all parties feel more prepared, and gain insight into the expectations for self and partner.

Ideas to get you started

• Parenting Responsibilities

  • List out the responsibilities of parenthood (as detailed as you can get!)

  • Discuss who will spearhead each duty

  • Which responsibilities will you share

  • Will you break it down into daytime vs nighttime responsibilities?

• Mental Health

  • Brainstorm coping with sleep deprivation (& nighttime wakings)

  • How to know if self/partners mental health is suffering, and how to talk with each other about it

  • Supporting your partner when they feel “touched out”

  • Budget for mental health support (& postpartum support in general, like a doula)

  • How to spend downtime (time away from work)

  • Supporting each other when high expectations &/or perfectionist tendencies are not serving them

  • Words of affirmation that might help when your partner is struggling

• Physical Health

  • Physical recovery after birth

  • Nutrition after birth

    • Meal Planning/Prepping.

    • Meal Train

    • Budget for takeout/order in

  • Supporting birthing person’s postpartum body (body positivity, body neutrality)

  • Self care: what does this look like for each of us? How do we support each other to take the self-care they need?

  • Staying connected if our sex drives change

• Role of Others

  • What role will grandparents, extended family, and others play?

  • Setting boundaries with family and others

  • Building a support system

• Feeding

  • Body feeding and/or formula

  • How to support feeding partner if body feeding is challenging

    • Budget for addition support (lactation consultant)

  • Who does feedings?

  • Following your baby’s cues, or trying to create a schedule

• Sleeping

  • Thoughts on co-sleeping, sleep training, crying it out, the pause, etc.

• Financial Responsibilities

• Parenting Style/Approach

  • Parenting role models

  • Childhood experiences

  • How we were parented often affects how we parent. What did you like (& not like) about how you were parented? What do you want to replicate? What are you afraid you will replicate?

  • Communication Styles

  • Opinions on circumcision, ear piercing, discipline, religion, screen time, etc

• Other Discussions Important to You

Revisit these topics often

You may be tempted to think “now that we have discussed all of this, we are done.”  Unfortunately, that’s not how this works. Yes, this is a great start and you should celebrate that!  Also, as time goes on, your opinion may change, you may learn of a new parenting style or resource, you may realize that your child needs different support than you imagined, you might have changed.  There are so many factors and we are always changing. Therefore, revisit these topics (and others as they arise) to learn your partner’s current view on them.