Conversations With Kids
Below are some tips for having conversations with your children.
(All these tips can also be applied to conversations with your partner. *hint. hint*)
Do:
Take the time to think through what you want to communicate
Use “I” statements when communicating, especially around stressful topics (“I felt angry when X happened…”)
Focus on the behavior (Say “I was upset when you left your stuff on the floor.” instead of “Ugh, you’re such a disaster.”)
Be specific about what you are wanting/asking for (“Next time, please put your things in the laundry basket.”)
Keep calm and use a conversational voice
Give yourself a “time-out” if you feel overwhelmed and can’t stay calm. Take deep breaths. You got this!
Do choose a neutral and private place to have the conversation
Don’t:
Don’t react based on your emotions, instead respond from a place of intention
Don’t start a conversation by accusing the other person of doing something (“I can’t believe you…”)
Don’t call the other person names that label them (“You are so messy.” or “You are so naughty.”)
Don’t assume the other person knows what you want or are asking for
Don’t start a stressful/high intensity conversation right when you walk in the door
Don’t include others in the conversation who do not need to be there (like at a family meal time)
Don’t hover above them, or use your size as intimidation factor (instead, get on their level)
Think you want some practice on those “I” statements? Learn more and practice below.
“I” STATEMENTS PRACTICE
It’s easy to blame someone or something else for your problems, especially in the heat of the moment. By getting comfortable with “I” statements you can take responsibility for your feelings, and ask for a different outcome in the future.
Fill in the statements below to practice rephrasing your feelings and requests. Here’s some additional information to get you started:
I feel ___________ (insert feeling word … sad, angry, hurt, upset, unappreciated etc.)
when you __________ (insert a behavior … throw your food, walk away from me when I am talking with you, leave your clothes on the floor, etc.).
Next time, I would like you to __________ (insert a preferred behavior … set your food aside, tell me you are feeling overwhelmed and want to take a break from the conversation, put your clothes in the laundry basket, etc.).
Your turn:
I feel _______________________________ when you ________________________________________________.
Next time, I would like you to ______________________________________________________________________.
I feel _______________________________ when you ________________________________________________.
Next time, I would like you to ______________________________________________________________________.
I feel _______________________________ when you ________________________________________________.
Next time, I would like you to ______________________________________________________________________.
I feel _______________________________ when you ________________________________________________.
Next time, I would like you to ______________________________________________________________________.
