Recognizing Your Baby’s Cues
Wish your baby came with an instruction manual? Many parents do. Unfortunately, that wish hasn’t been granted. However, babies are able to communicate their needs and wants. We just have to tune in to recognize them. Infants gaze, grunt, turn, coo, cry, smile, reach, and use a variety of other noises and facial or bodily expressions to communicate.
In order for infants to thrive, parents and caregivers must learn to read these cues accurately. Cues are your baby’s way of telling you what they need. By making their needs known and having their needs met, infants learn how to communicate better and to interpret what their bodies are telling them. Parents get to practice their best observation skills to interpret their baby’s cues, and practice patience with themselves and their baby at times when the cues are not immediately clear.
BY RESPONDING TO OUR BABY’S CUES THEY ACTUALLY GET BETTER
When parents listen to and follow their baby’s cues, the baby knows they were heard and are important. On the other hand, if parents consistently ignore their cues, the infant may think they are not important and their message isn’t getting across, and may stop giving cues.
For example, if a feeding infant stops sucking and turns away, they may be communicating they are full or need a break. However, if the parent forces the infant to drink more, the infant may learn to ignore their own satiety cues, and stop giving cues to their parent.
Keep in mind your baby may also be communicating that they need to burp or that they would like a dry diaper, so it is wise to try a variety of responses. It is up to you to read your baby’s cues and problem-solve until you think you have met the communicated need.
Common hunger cues: Puckering or smacking their lips. Turning their head and rooting. Becoming more alert or active. Opening and closing their mouth. Bringing their fist to their mouth. Sucking on their hands. Squirming, fidgeting, or positioning for feeding. If you miss these early cues, your baby is likely to begin fussing, crying, turning red, and/or move agitatedly or franticly.
Common tired cues: Early cue: zoning out or staring into space, relaxed body. (This is a great time to begin the sleep routine.) Middle cues include: yawning, rubbing their eyes or pulling at their ears, jerking their arms and legs, less coordinated movement, droopy eyes. Late cues: crying, arching their back.
RESPONDING TO CRYING
Reading cues isn’t always easy. You may miss, or your baby may not give, other cues. Although it may be difficult to hear your baby cry, they are communicating important information about their needs to you.
If you always pick up your crying infant, bounce them, and say “You’re okay. Shh, shh, shh,” you are likely not addressing the communicated need. You might feel helpless, frustrated, anxious, or be worried about what others are thinking—in other words, you are likely trying to put yourself at ease with this reaction. It’s all too easy to think you are a bad parent if your child is crying. This is not true. Your baby is communicating, and you are taking the time to interpret what they need. Responding calmly when your infant is crying can be challenging. However, by taking deep breaths, staying present, and taking time to assess your baby’s cues, you will be able to meet their needs much more accurately.
When a baby cries, they do not feel “okay”—they are letting you know they need something. Instead, acknowledge that you hear their cry, and tell them you will try to help. You can:
Take a deep breath and try to keep yourself calm.
Observe your baby. It may be helpful to go through a checklist of things they may need:
When did they last eat? Are they hungry? Do they need to burp?
Does their diaper need changing? Are they constipated?
Are they tired?
Did something scare or surprise your infant? Are they frustrated or upset?
Would they like to be moved to a new area? Are they uncomfortable? Too hot or cold?
Go to your infant. Slowly and calmly approach them (unless it’s an emergency).
Acknowledge you hear them and want to meet their needs—“I hear you telling me something. I will try to help.”
Even if you aren’t sure why your infant is crying, try something (follow their gaze, observe the surrounding area, lay down next to them, check their diaper, see if they are hungry). If what you do isn’t the need they’re communicating, you are still letting your baby know you heard their cry and are trying to help.
Talk with your baby. Let them know what you are doing and why you are doing it. Acknowledge their feelings. “You seem upset. It looks like the toy rolled away. I moved it closer. That does’t seem to be it. Let me try something else.”
Listen to your intuition. Try to differentiate the cries of your infant.
Make a mental note of your baby’s cry and what you did that calmed them.
Sometimes this comes naturally, sometimes it doesn’t. You might not ever be able to verbalize to others the various cries of your baby, you simply follow your intuition.
ANTICIPATE YOUR BABY'S NEEDS
While it is important to let your baby communicate what they need, there are times when it is more beneficial to anticipate their needs. For example, it is best to start a bedtime routine before your baby begins to cry due to tiredness.
Thankfully, as babies grow their cues become easier to read. You got this!
